Fishers

I love the story of the first disciples in their boats, bummed out after a night of catching no fish. They know what they're doing; presumably, they've been at this awhile. Jesus says, Put the net in again, over there. I can only imagine their weary, heart-sore looks, even anger. What do YOU know about this? But they might as well, and then the net comes up: teeming, bursting with more fish than they know what to do with.

I give up easily. It's one of my character defects. I'm a natural-born quitter. If I were one of those fishermen, I'd probably have decided that not only is the lake empty, but I also suck at fishing. What's the point? Somebody comes along and says, Try it again, and it works. What makes the difference? I don't think there is a Magic Jesus Wand, that this story is literally true. But sometimes when we give up, somehow, some way, God doesn't. And God pushes us to try it again. It may not be that dramatic. But sometime, heart-sore and despairing, I have those small nudges to try one more time.

I am about to embark on a trip to the Holy Land with 13 fellow pilgrims. We are actually going to this Sea of Galilee, and other places "where Jesus walked". We're also going to be "where Jesus is walking now", to quote Peter Miano, one of our trip organizers. We're going to meet people who are working for peace and dialogue, justice and love. I've been nervous all week, convinced that God must've tapped the wrong girl on the shoulder t0 lead this, because I am so introverted and disorganized. Ain't no fish coming out of this effort, God - could I please change my mind? And she says, Nope. Put that net in again.

I pray for help, and what happens? Little things. The readings in my meditation books are remarkably spot on - including the fish story. A friend whom I have not heard from in months calls - not because she knows I'm going, but just because she misses me. And she was remarkably helpful. I remember my excitement. Suddenly everything I see and hear seems spiritually useful, emboldening and calming. Who knows where this bounty came from, but there is someone I suspect.

Pray for us, please. Pray that we can handle the big catch I suspect will be landing in our boat.

Mary and Martha: The Rematch

When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went and met him, while Mary stayed at home. Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But even now I know that God will give you whatever you ask of him.” Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” Martha said to him, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day.” Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Those who believe in me, even though they die, will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?” She said to him, “Yes, Lord, I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, the one coming into the world.” When she had said this, she went back and called her sister Mary, and told her privately, “The Teacher is here and is calling for you.” And when she heard it, she got up quickly and went to him. Now Jesus had not yet come to the village, but was still at the place where Martha had met him. The Jews who were with her in the house, consoling her, saw Mary get up quickly and go out. They followed her because they thought that she was going to the tomb to weep there. When Mary came where Jesus was and saw him, she knelt at his feet and said to him, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her also weeping, he was greatly disturbed in spirit and deeply moved. He said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to him, “Lord, come and see.” Jesus began to weep. So the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?” John 11:20-37

Once again we compare Mary and Martha in their reactions to Jesus. Both of them are hopping mad, it seems clear, that Jesus didn't get there in time. It's interesting that Martha who was loath to keep resentments to herself (She's not doing her share of the work - I have to do everything while she moons over you.) is so easily placated. She expresses her anger so carefully - I know you can still raise him if you ask. As in, please don't be so angry at me for showing my measly feelings that you go away. She also seems to be mouthing the words of correctness here. I believe you are the resurrection. Yep, I do. Forget I said anything. It just sounds too easy. It sounds like how Marcus Borg described his idea of faith, growing up: "strong, correct belief".

Enter Mary. Full-body rage, I picture here. Where the hell WERE you? You let him die! The text may say she knelt at his feet, but perhaps (and yes I redact) only after she had let out a howl of rage and despair. She weeps. There is no nice discussion of resurrection and what it means and how you get it. She just weeps. The crowd also weeps. And it gets to Jesus. That is what I love most here. He lets himself feel the full weight of this grief - theirs and his own. Emotions are contagious, and he allows himself to be touched by contagion. In this moment he is not concerned about working the big miracle and getting more people to follow him, even if he believes it will help them to love God. He. Just. Weeps. Marcus Borg describes this as an adult version of faith: full commitment of one's life to God. The God that puts love and compassion before anything else.

And the crowd that has come with Mary in her grief? Their reaction is mixed. Wow, look how much he loves him. And Well, you'd think that if he healed that blind guy he would've... I don't blame 'em. I want God to do what I think is reasonable in a time frame that is reasonable. To me. It is always tempting to say something is unfair. Why should Lazarus die? Why should one person be healed and another be told to wait, or be left to die?

If I were writing this story to make a theological point, I would have reversed their reaction. I'd put the carping about what he should be able to do first, and then the realization of how he deeply he loved Lazarus second. Everybody goes home with the point clear. But the story is the story, and John captures how people are, not how we should be. It's up to me to see what's really important. As usual.